Gotcha Surf

Gotcha Surf

What's Crackin? It was New Years Eve and I was going to cook lobster for the first time. The local grocer had a special going two for the price of one. You pointed to the ones you wanted and they fished them out of the tank. It was a few hours before the festivities were set to begin and I had plenty of time to cook up a storm.

Tonight's menu was Surf n Turf
1. wine,
2. wine, oh I already wrote that,
3. Lobster,
4. Rib Eye,
5. Salad, with the usual suspects, (tomatoes, red onions, shredded cheddar, organic romaine lettuce, and croutons.)
6. Packaged risotto. (had to cut the time just a little)

Salad was the first completed job and sitting in the fridge. The Pinot was a glass empty by the time a large pot of boiling water was jumping around with some onion skins and carrots. The grill was fired up and ready to go.

The key to this whole operation is for the risotto, lobster, and steak to be done at the same time. You always hope for this outcome but being a bachelor it really doesn't matter. No one ever complains to management.

The first step to my master assembly was to throw one of the lobsters into the bubbly water. Next is to put the steak on the grill, and set the timer for 3 minutes till I have to turn the rib eye. Open the packet of risotto mix, take a sip a wine, and wait for the process to runs its course.

As I went into the fridge to grab the lobster something didn't look right but I didn't react fast enough to the warning. One of the rubber bands on the lobsters claw the size of a baby's shoe was missing. As I went to grab the lobster it snapped at my finger like 80 year old blind Poodle. I jumped back and slammed my funny bone on the edge of the counter. It sent electric shivers down to my fingers. A minute later I wrapped the lobster into a dishtowel to extract my revenge.

I lifted the lid to my monster pot of boiling water and tried to slam dunked this pesky sea varmint. The only catch was its claw that wouldn't let go of the towel. The back tail to the red devil was close enough to the water that it splashed some into my face. I completely missed the drop off and dove for the floor like it was a pool on a hot day. A minute or two later after a cold water revival it was game time between me and Mr. Lobster.

He didn't move an inch from the counter where he landed. His eyes were looking straight at me with knuckle noises coming from his claw. I wasn't hearing any of it. I moved in slow for a solid position to make a fast grab of his back. Gotcha! His tail was going crazy but I had a snug hold and he knew it. This time I lifted the lid, took care of business, and slammed the lid down. Mission accomplished right? Wrong.

You would have thought I was making Orville Redenbacher's popcorn by the sound of the claw banging on the inside of the boiling pot. I started feeling worse and worse as the seconds ticked by with the noise. A thought came to me that I might have killed the greatest lobster known to humans. Bang. Bang. Bang. The noise wouldn't stop. I never took my hand off the lid. A minute ticked away and the noise started to settle. I opened the lid to give an easy check and Mr. Lobster was sandbagging me with one more splash of boiling water for my troubles.

My arm took the worst of it this time and the noise started all over again. Bang. Bang. Bang on the inside of the boiling cooker. But clearly this time Mr. Lobster didn't have anything left in the tank. I sat back and shook my head. This Lobster was a warrior Lobster. The Indians 300 years ago would have made him a chief. I couldn't bring myself to eat Mr. Lobster. I gave him a coffin of Reynolds wrap and a proper funeral in a Glad trash bag.

The meal was a bust. The wine went before for the food. I was totally depressed until I went into the refrigerator to eat the salad because that's all I had the stomach for. I looked down to see the other Lobster in the crisper. I took off the bands on its claws and made a bed out of moist paper towels. I gave it some lettuce, a little dish of water, and named him Bill. Finally after two weeks my roommates told me Bill the Lobster had to leave the refrigerator. Slumlords.

The bridge next to the house were the canal went into the ocean was a perfect place to set Bill free. I reached as far as I could and let him do his Greg Louganis into the middle of the canal. He sank to the bottom like a steel plate and didn't move an inch. But I could see a little movement so I left him. He's with his people now.

The next day I went over the bridge and couldn't help but notice that Bill didn't move an inch. So I stepped though the muck and gave him another push to a deeper part of the canal and left him again. That night I went to the bridge to check on Bill. The water was gone from the tide and all I heard were sounds from canal creatures having the feast of Lobster that I never tasted.

To this day every time Lobster is served I always pass the plate except one time. I couldn't resist, but the Chef over cooked it to hard rubber. I got real quit at the table thinking about the fight a Lobster put up on one New Years Eve night. Toot-a-loo mi compadres.

Miles O'Connor is interested in getting people to re-think the way they work in the kitchen and in everyday life. He brings new products to market and his latest is at http://www.dojochef.com Now business can get slow from time to time but it's always fun. If you any ideas for us please visit: http://www.dojochef.com and tell us. If you leave your address we'll send you a "What's Crackin?" sticker in the mail for your troubles.

Gotcha $10 Gotcha

Gotcha! $10 Gotcha!

Lost Gotcha Slim Fit Tank Top - Blue $31 Looking for a sweet new tank top to welcome summer and all its glory? Lost’s Gotcha tank’s gotcha covered. This slim fit tank top is knit with a cotton/poly fabric blend for comfort and easy maintenance. It’s printed with a blue and yellow gradient reminiscent of a summer sunrise. You may as well look the part of devoted summer enthusiast as you hit the waves, cruise the beach and make many a young lady’s heart swoon. You dashing dog, you.

Lost Gotcha Slim Fit Tank Top - Yellow $31 Looking for a sweet new tank top to welcome summer and all its glory? Lost’s Gotcha tank’s gotcha covered. This slim fit tank top is knit with a cotton/poly fabric blend for comfort and easy maintenance. It’s printed with a pink and yellow gradient reminiscent of a summer sunset. You may as well look the part of devoted summer enthusiast as you hit the waves, cruise the beach and make many a young lady’s heart swoon. You dashing dog, you.

I Gotcha $8.49 I Gotcha

Gotcha Calls $15.99 Gotcha Calls

Gotcha! - $12.99 "Gotcha!" is a puerile but popular campus game at UCLA in which students stalk one another armed with paint-spewing pellet guns. Veterinary student Anthony Edwards may not be any great shakes in the classroom, but he's a whiz at Gotcha. His skills come in handy when Edwards, on vacation in Paris, becomes acquainted with the mysterious Linda Fiorentino. She gets him mixed up in international espionage; fortunately, the well-armed spies aren't quite as adept at "Gotcha" as Edwards is. Most of the film was lensed in Paris and Berlin. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

We Gotcha $10 We Gotcha - Crown Royale

GOTCHA! $3.99 Trick or trivia? Fun for all ages! Fact or fiction? What's real? What's not? The questions become a fun test of wits for know-it-alls and know-nothings in this ingenious collection of slightly skewed trivia quizzes devised by a self-proclaimed trivia expert to challenge players in every topicfrom movies and sports to art, history, and politics. What do they really know? What do they think they know? And how easily can they be fooled as they're challenged by famous quotes and misquotes, suspect statistics, and famous (and tweaked) historical events? Perfect for get-together games with friends and familyor hours of solo enjoymentthis is the unique trivia book that will have players yelling GOTCHA!

Surf $10 Surf

A & A Optical GOTCHA $134.85 A & A Optical GOTCHA Eyeglasses for Women are available at BestBuyEyeglasses.com in the following colors: Blue, Brown, Purple, Red. The style is Oval and the frame material is Plastic. A & A Optical GOTCHA Plastic. These frames accept prescription lenses.

I Gotcha (Original) $10 I Gotcha (Original) - Mark Dynamix & Nick Galea

Juicy Gotcha Krazy (Remix) $6 Juicy Gotcha Krazy (Remix) - Oaktown's 3.5.7

Gotcha Capitalism $13.99 What is Gotcha Capitalism? Coughing up $4 fees for ATM transactions. Iron-clad cell phone contracts you can’t get out of with a crowbar. Paying big bucks for insurance you don’t need on a rental car or forking over $20 a day for supposedly “free” wireless internet. Every day we use banks, cell phones, and credit cards. Every day we book hotels and airline tickets. And every day we get ripped off. How? Here are just a few examples of how big business can get you: • You didn’t fill up the rental car with gas? Gotcha! Gas costs $7 a gallon here. • Your bank balance fell to $999.99 for one day? Gotcha! That’ll be $12. • You miss one payment on that 18-month same-as-cash loan? Gotcha! That’ll be $512 extra. • You’re one day late on that electric bill? Gotcha! All your credit cards now have a 29.99% interest rate. But not for much longer. In Gotcha Capitalism , MSNBC.com’s “Red Tape Chronicles” columnist Bob Sullivan exposes the ways we’re all cheated by big business, and teaches us how to get our money back–proven strategies that can help you save more than $1,000 a year. From the Trade Paperback edition.