Guys Rule

Guys Rule

"When you give yourself, you receive more than you give." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Trying to get without first giving is as fruitless as trying to reap without having sown." - Napoleon Hill

Have you ever wondered why organizations: give you free samples of their products, donate money to charity, or do something that is generally perceived as nice? Yes, they can get you to trial their products and if you like the products then they will have you as a buying customer. They also can get free publicity by donating money to a charity. However, there is another side to this story.

The rule of reciprocation states that humans have an inherent desire to return favors. This influential principle is beneficial to an organization when you feel their free sample or donation is a favor for you. By doing you a favor they will have influenced you to return it in the form of buying their products or services.

The organization example is not the best to demonstrate the principle of reciprocation because we sometimes don't perceive it as a favor. If we perceive a tactic as a trick, then it will backfire. The principle of reciprocation says we return favors with favors and not tricks with favors. Do not fall for making a decision or getting another to make a decision based off a trick.

Reciprocation in Personal Relationships

There are stronger applications of this influential principle than the one I provided where an organization gives you a free sample of their products. Think of how the rule of reciprocation could apply to our relationships. Do you think it would be possible to get an attractive partner by doing them favorable things?

The short answer to this question is "no". The human emotions of attraction, love, and intimacy cannot be consistently manipulated with favors. If a person believes it can be, then they need to contrast their current experience with a non-manipulating experience and they will see the difference. This isn't to say that people like supermodels won't marry rich guys for their favors. The couple just won't feel the attraction and intimacy. They will experience an unfulfilling relationship based on gifts. Attraction is to strong of an emotion to be manipulated by a favor. Those who are in relationships because of favors have ulterior motives.

I don't know whether this is clear to you, but think of guys who buy women drinks at a bar or nightclub. The guys are unknowingly using the rule of reciprocation in a poor context by trying to do the woman a favor and hoping for something in return. Of course, the women accept the drinks then give the guy a cold shoulder because it is perceived as a trick.

Do the Favor First

You can get more out of the reciprocation principle by firstly doing the person a favor prior to making your request. This isn't just religious, but a proven component of reciprocation within influence. Investing in your relationships and most other things upfront, will give you a future return that will often be larger than your investment. It is not unusual to receive a large favor from someone at a later time in reciprocation to a small favor you gave earlier on.

Business owners are generally encouraged to offer something upfront to another business before requesting a partnership or some joint venture deal. Doing so increases the strength of the relationship and the likelihood of the giver to receive a larger return later on. To move up in your career of choice, I advise you to begin donating your services to those who influence how successful you become. Join groups, clubs, and organizations where there are "big players" in your career, then offer your time and efforts. If you constantly do so with enthusiasm and in a successful manner, I can almost guarantee those "big players" will want to help you.

You don't have to be limited to giving gifts and other donations to use the principle of reciprocation. As you remember from above, giving well-deserved praise such as a compliment can influence the person to return the favor. Think of ways you can use reciprocation and contrasting in your conversations and you'll be well on your way to increasing your influential power.

Joshua Uebergang has written more about the reciprocation rule and other influential principles in his huge free report available for direct download at, 6 Principles of Influencing People. (The link is a direct download so right click on it, save it on your computer, and allow a minute for it to download.) He teaches people effective relationship skills with communication at his website.

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